PHONE LOSERS E-ZINE
The Secret Life Of reb0rn
issue no. 12 - July 5, 1999
this issue written by reb0rn
the following is the work of reb0rn. reb0rn is a friend of mine. Yes, I
have friends. He runs the San Diego PLA site which can be found at
http://payf0ne.cjb.net. He is also a member of FourOneOne. FourOneOne
is a group that me and reb0rn put together. f00 can be found
lovingly at http://www.FourOneOne.zzn.com. Anyway, this is a log
of a conversation reb0rn had on AIM (AOL Instant Messanger). He is
under the nick Flux0r6669. Everything he says is completely made up.
It's not true. reb0rn's life may be pathetic, but not this pathetic.
Anyway, everthing the other party says was probably made up too, and we
have reason to beleive that they we're getting off on reb0rn's story. I
don't know why I made this into a UPL issue, I just found it pretty
|reb0rn's Crazy Made Up Life...
TessKnows: hiya. up to no good?
Flux0r6669: up to only good
Flux0r6669: im not doing anything
TessKnows: how come you are online, thin?
Flux0r6669: i dont know... im always online
TessKnows: what did you do to celebrate the 4th?
Flux0r6669: um, nothing... i did go to ihop and splash kechup all over
the place, the cap was not on very tight
TessKnows: i hate how the tables are always sticky at ihop
Flux0r6669: its part of the charm
TessKnows: and i don't think they clean those thermos coffee pots very
TessKnows: but they have decent blinzes
Flux0r6669: again, bad coffee... part of the charm
TessKnows: you find these things charming?
Flux0r6669: some what
TessKnows: so, no fireworks?
Flux0r6669: no... i was hoping i would hear or see gun shots though
TessKnows: hmmm ... that struck a nerve with me
Flux0r6669: how so?
TessKnows: i'm not sure you want to know why
TessKnows: but i'll tell you if you want
Flux0r6669: well i guess i want to know
TessKnows: this afternoon i dropped my son off at camp at saint
michael's abbey up in silverado canyon
Flux0r6669: umm k?
TessKnows: i was driving home in the far right lane and i noticed that
cars ahead of me were swerving to avoid something in the road
TessKnows: as i approached, i saw what looked like a body lying near
the median of the road. so i pulled over onto the shoulder
and took the medical kit out of my trunk and ran across the
to where the guy was
Flux0r6669: um are you a nurse?
TessKnows: no ... it is just one of those stupid kits with bandaids and
stuff. i am a mortgage banker ...
Flux0r6669: um go on...
TessKnows: it was a young hispanic male and i thought what i was seeing
was a hit and run victim -- he was face up with his head
against the edge of the median -- i thought maybe he had been
hit and thrown a distance and had cracked his skull on the
curb part of the median.
TessKnows: there was blood and what i think was brain matter all over.
the rest of his body was laying in the road and people were
still swerving to get around him.
TessKnows: i don't have a cell phone, so i tried to flag someone down,
but nobody would stop. people were slowing down and gawking
out their windows, then just continuing on finally a biker
and his girfriend pulled over -- they had a cell phone and
TessKnows: he seemed to have a faint pulse and his chest appeared to be
rising and falling very slightly. the breathing may have
been wishful thinking on my part, but there was a faint
TessKnows: there was just so much blood i didn't know what to do ... it
was leaking slowly out of his head and mouth ... his tee
shirt was all pulled up around his chest and wet with blood
TessKnows: i don't know cpr and there was so much blood everywhere ...
i did kneel down and talk to him ... i was hoping he was
still alive. i just told him to keep hanging on because help
was on the way
TessKnows: it wasn't a hit and run ... the police officer told me he
had been shot twice in the back of the head and there was
what appeared to be an exit wound under his chin. they
checked his pockets and they found some live rounds, so i
reckon he had a weapon too at one point
TessKnows: apparently he was shot execution style, then whoever did it
just dumped him on the road
TessKnows: anyway ... that's why your joke about guns hit a nerve with
TessKnows: sorry if i grossed you out
Flux0r6669: thats kind of like, when my best friend killed himself
Flux0r6669: its was sick
Flux0r6669: it was even
Flux0r6669: yes really
TessKnows: why did he do it?
TessKnows: stupid question ...
Flux0r6669: i dont know... he did not tell me
TessKnows: and you'll never know, i guess. did he leave a note?
TessKnows: was he depressed?
TessKnows: did you find his body?
Flux0r6669: he wrote his girlfriends name in his blood then he died, no
his mom found him...
TessKnows: oh god
TessKnows: how horrible ...
TessKnows: i think i should feel more about what happened today -- i
mean, i can't sleep, but i'm not too disturbed about what i
Flux0r6669: not really, worse things have happened in my life then that
TessKnows: oddly enough, i remained calm throughout the entire thing.
the blood was more fascinating than frightening to me, i
Flux0r6669: yeah i understand
TessKnows: what i did feel was outrage at the people who just drove by
... jesus, that's so cold. i wish there was something i
could have done. i wonder if he really was still alive when
i pulled over
TessKnows: what has happened in your life that was more horrible than
your best friend taking his own life?
TessKnows: do you mind my asking?
Flux0r6669: no i dont mind
Flux0r6669: my life is an open book to all
TessKnows: it shouldn't be
Flux0r6669: my life has been a uphill battle for all involved
TessKnows: for all? why is that?
Flux0r6669: my first love, stabed me in the upper leg
TessKnows: my word ... how old were you at the time?
Flux0r6669: i was 13
TessKnows: had she ever done anything violent before?
TessKnows: what drove her too it?
Flux0r6669: she on the other hand was 19
Flux0r6669: i dont know till this day
TessKnows: you were involved with a 19 year old at 13???
Flux0r6669: i think hshe was a meth user
TessKnows: i guess that isn't so odd ... i lived with my 20 year old
boyfriend when i was 14
TessKnows: wow ...
TessKnows: what was the extent of your injury?
Flux0r6669: well.. it was not so bad
Flux0r6669: i lost a bit of movement
Flux0r6669: but thats all
TessKnows: may i ask ... what kind of relationship did you have with
TessKnows: that just seems such a vast age difference for a 13 year old
Flux0r6669: well, i only had sex with her once
Flux0r6669: maybe thats what drove her to it
TessKnows: was she trying to kill you?
Flux0r6669: i think so
TessKnows: or just hurt you?
TessKnows: what happened afterwards?
Flux0r6669: i kicked her and she ran out... and i called 911
TessKnows: was she arrested? were your parents freaked out?
Flux0r6669: the cops looked for her but did not find it, i dont have
parents to be freaked out
Flux0r6669: i live with my brother and sisters
TessKnows: are you an orphan?
Flux0r6669: kind of... i mean my mom left with her fucking girlfriend...
and my dad is a drunk
TessKnows: that's very sad
Flux0r6669: yeah i guess
Flux0r6669: for someone else
Flux0r6669: i got over it and moved on
TessKnows: okay. i was just trying to empathize a bit ...
Flux0r6669: i was just saying
TessKnows: i thought you said (in our last conversation) that you were
still receiving some form of financial support from your
parents ... did i misunderstand?
TessKnows: i see
Flux0r6669: my life is shite, and thats only the half of it
TessKnows: tell me more, then ...
Flux0r6669: if you want
Flux0r6669: well i have a problem with girls now
Flux0r6669: my new girlfriend is a strange one
Flux0r6669: and my home life if you can call it that sucks
TessKnows: strange in what way?
Flux0r6669: my brother is an asshole
Flux0r6669: my girlfriend is all in to strange things i rather not go in
TessKnows: strange as in dangerous?
TessKnows: strange as in daring and wild?
Flux0r6669: it makes me very uneasy
TessKnows: do you like what she is into, or does it scare you?
TessKnows: you don't want to tell me?
Flux0r6669: i dont talk to anyone about it
TessKnows: have you talked to her about it?
Flux0r6669: no never!
TessKnows: but you say it worries you
TessKnows: if you are concerned, shouldn't you talk to her?
Flux0r6669: i might lose he and be alone again
TessKnows: please tell me. maybe i can offer you some good advice.
maybe not, but i can try
TessKnows: besides, i am just an imaginary online person, remember?
Flux0r6669: i dont know where to start
Flux0r6669: its really strange
TessKnows: how long have you known her
Flux0r6669: 2 years now i guess
TessKnows: how did you meet?
Flux0r6669: at a a dance club
TessKnows: how old is she?
Flux0r6669: my friend neo dragged me there
TessKnows: okay ... so tell me about it
TessKnows: what she does that worries you
Flux0r6669: well... i dont know, um she likes to have me hit her when we
are together, like in bed and stuff
Flux0r6669: thats just some of what she makes me do
TessKnows: that is not so unusual
TessKnows: but it sounds like you are not into that
Flux0r6669: well, when she makes me cut off her air suply it gets odd
TessKnows: that can be dangerous
Flux0r6669: thats what i say
TessKnows: is that the only way she gets aroused?
Flux0r6669: she does not want to hear it
Flux0r6669: no thats not the only way
Flux0r6669: she loves to have sex in public places
Flux0r6669: like in bathrooms at the movies
TessKnows: well ... that's not so unusual either
TessKnows: doesn't that kind of turn you on too?
TessKnows: sorry ... just asking
Flux0r6669: once she gave me head in THE MOVIES! yeah of couse it does,
im 18 im always set for that stuff
TessKnows: well, that behavior is not really dangerous -- it is sort of
risky and fun
TessKnows: but the other thing ...
Flux0r6669: thats not the bad stuff
TessKnows: that worries me
TessKnows: back to the asphixiation thing ... does she have you use
your hands or a ligature?
Flux0r6669: one night at a party she took off and i had no clue where
Flux0r6669: when i found her she was in the bathroom... cutting her
inner legs with a bunch of people watching
TessKnows: she really does enjoy pain, then ... it isn't just a role
play game for her
Flux0r6669: not at all
TessKnows: what did you think when you saw her doing that?
TessKnows: did you make her stop?
Flux0r6669: hell yah i did
Flux0r6669: we left the party right away
TessKnows: what was her reaction?
Flux0r6669: we never talked about it
Flux0r6669: you still there??
Flux0r6669: did i freak you out?
Flux0r6669: ok good
Flux0r6669: do you want me to stop?
Flux0r6669: ok, well she really likes blood... she cuts her self when we
have sex, some times she cuts me too
TessKnows: do you enjoy that?
Flux0r6669: and she makes us keep the tv on the food network the whole
time, she likes the big knifes i guess... no i hate when she
TessKnows: on a certain level, do you like playing out her fantasy?
TessKnows: the food network?
Flux0r6669: maybe, i just want to make her happy
TessKnows: reb0rn ... are you pullling my leg?
Flux0r6669: yeah and QVC when they are selling knifes
Flux0r6669: no not at all
Flux0r6669: i told you i have a messed up life
Flux0r6669: you said you wanted to hear it
TessKnows: yes i did
TessKnows: i'm sorry ... please continue
TessKnows: some of the stuff you described is perfectly fine and normal
... but she has crossed the line. eventually, she is going
to get seriously hurt. if you are a participant you may be
the one doing the hurting. also, she may hurt you. do you
not value your life?
Flux0r6669: well its just stuff like that... i mean she really likes
blood... thats why i said i understod your fascination with
Flux0r6669: no my life is dumb
TessKnows: i see
Flux0r6669: but i guess i dont want to die
TessKnows: do you consider yourself a survivor?
Flux0r6669: i guess i have to, i mean i lived through a lot
TessKnows: that is what i consider myself, although from what you have
told me, it sounds like you have had it rougher than me
TessKnows: have your relationships with women always been this
Flux0r6669: i had a really nice grirlfriend
Flux0r6669: we talked about having kids and making a family and all that
Flux0r6669: god i have never talked about her with anyone
Flux0r6669: i wish she was still here
TessKnows: what happened?
Flux0r6669: i miss her so much
Flux0r6669: she was killed in a car crash with her firends
Flux0r6669: the driver was drunk
Flux0r6669: and they hit a tree
Flux0r6669: yeah... out of everything in my life... i wish it had been
Flux0r6669: and she was still here
TessKnows: you have suffered a great deal of loss
TessKnows: if your current girlfriend frightens you with her behavior,
why do you stay with her?
Flux0r6669: who else would be with me? im messed up...
TessKnows: it doesn't sound like she wants to be helped ...
TessKnows: everybody is messed up and broken inside
TessKnows: some a little more than others
TessKnows: some just hide it better
Flux0r6669: you know what the worst thing about my girlfriend is.... she
calls me daddy, that is just so wrong
TessKnows: yes, it is wrong
TessKnows: it sounds like she was abused as a child
Flux0r6669: i think she was
Flux0r6669: she has never said anything tho
TessKnows: i see this whole thing coming to a rather disasterous ending
at some point ...
Flux0r6669: yeah... thats the way things work out with me
TessKnows: do you want her to get help? can you convince her to?
Flux0r6669: i dont think me bring that up would help
Flux0r6669: i need to go....
TessKnows: okay, i ned to get to bed too
TessKnows: take care, reb0rn