Too Poor to Buy 2600? Here’s linear’s Article From Vol 26, Issue 1 for Free.

Remember a few updates back how we talked about linear’s article being published in 2600 Magazine? Well now that the article has been published for a few months and you’ve all blown the allowance that your parents give you on buying the magazine, we feel it’s acceptable to post it up here for free, suckers. Here’s the two page article in PDF form.

click here for the PDF

You can, of course, still buy the original over at or at a newsstand near you.

June 28, 2009 · linear · Comments Closed
Posted in: Ezine, General

Teen who made prank calls writes letter of apology

I came across this article that describes how a young kid had to write an apology letter about some prank calls he made. That story itself is somewhat funny, but what makes the article hilarious is that it includes the full-text of his apology letter, which is a grammatical atrocity.  There are over 20 errors in the just-over-a-paragraph-long letter. I took the liberty of putting the errors in red for you. Enjoy.

Teen who made prank calls writes letter of apology

By Lesley Hughes
News Editor

Prank calling during late-night hours landed three juveniles in trouble with the law, and one teenager wrote a letter of apology following the incident.Sheriff Kent Harris discovered the three juveniles had made phone calls on March 13, 14 and 15 during late hours. The citizens they called reported answering the phone and hearing a recorded voice of a baby crying.

After an investigation into one of the victim’s phone records, Harris identified where the calls originated.

A 13-year-old who made the calls wrote to the victims and apologized for his actions.

“I’m sorry for bring so stuped and immuture,” the eighth-grade student wrote in a letter full of spelling and grammatical errors not corrected for publication here. “It wuz a stuped joke that wuzn’t funny. I’m very sorry for bothering you. The Sheriff had 2 come 2 my house and talked to me mom and dad are [huh? -linear] very disipionted with me. I lost all privileges on the fone and got grounded for 2 months. And I have 2 do extra chores around the house and volunter at my mom’s work on weekind. So it wuzn’t worth the laugh and it wuz bad that I bothered people at their homes and worryed them.

“I’m very sorry and I promise that I will never prink call anyone else agin. U can get in alot of truble and its not worth it.”

Harris said the boy will work out a punishment through volunteer work.

May 11, 2009 · linear · Comments Closed
Posted in: General

Things be all fucked up.

Hey kids, the website hasn’t been working right for the past few days ever since our (yet another) server move. We’re in the process of fixing it up a bit. Please be patient and we’ll let you know when it’s back to 100%.

UPDATE 5/7/2009: Shit no longer be fucked up, as far as we can tell.

May 5, 2009 · linear · Comments Closed
Posted in: General

linear Published in 2600

In the Spring 2009 issue of 2600 Magazine (volume 26, issue 1), linear has an article published on page 24 titled sp092“Network  Neutrality Simplified.”

Does the article sound a little familiar? it just might – - About three days after UPL030 was released, this same network neutrality article mysteriously disapeared from within it. The reason for this (which I couldn’t really discuss until now) was that about three months before, I had submitted the article to 2600. They hadn’t gotten back to me, and assuming they rejected it, I put it in UPL030. They contacted me shortly after UPL030′s publication saying they were in fact using it. One of the conditions of submitting articles to 2600 is that they can’t be published anywhere else until after they’ve been printed in 2600. So I removed it before they realized it had already been within UPL’s pages. It took about 6 months for 2600 to print it, but now it’s finally there.

Now that it has been published in 2600, I have reinserted it into UPL030. If the article seems a little bit dated, it’s because I actually wrote it close to a year ago, but it took a while to get published.


April 6, 2009 · linear · Comments Closed
Posted in: General

A bunch of shitbags try to stuff themselves into a phone booth. The same bunch of shitbags fail.

From an article found at:

dd-phonebooth27__0499945811History calls, but kids can’t beat ’59 record
Steve Rubenstein, Chronicle Staff Writer

Thursday, March 26, 2009
But it did, and with the Plexiglas went the dreams and aspirations of a whole lot of St. Mary’s College students.

Some said they were disappointed. Some were too squished to say anything.

What happened Wednesday on the campus greensward was the re-enactment of the famous day in 1959 when 22 St. Mary’s students crammed into a phone booth and a Life magazine photographer snapped a picture of the spectacle.

Read the rest of this post »

March 26, 2009 · linear · Comments Closed
Posted in: General

UPL Switches to WordPress

wordpress logorbcp was finally able to convince me to migrate over to WordPress. even though i’ve been using it on many of my other sites already (have you seen my blog lately? eh?), i’ve been reluctant to use it on because i liked the SMF message board integration method that we had been using previously to manage the site.

but the whole website going down every time our SMF database crashed (which, for some reason, seems to happen often) eventually got old. So now I’ve swicthed everything over. That means a lot of dead links and errors will be found, I imagine. Let us know about any errors you find by commenting on this post or on our message board.

February 24, 2009 · linear · Comments Closed
Posted in: Site Maintenance

Help UPL Win!

UPDATE 2/21/2009: WE FAILED. UPL did not win the contest. But it wasn’t because of lack of high ratings! The contest organizers swicthed the rules up without warning and decided to award the win to a video with lower ratings and fewer views and no humor even attempted (even though the contest was based on which video made everyone laugh the most… hrm). Oh well, can’t win them all. Thank you all so much for your help!

I entered this contest where I make a commercial for a domain registrar. For my commercial, I followed the time-honroed UPL tradition of stealing and idea from PLA, and used a PLA Radio promo concept. I called an old lady and explained to her all about registering a domain. She didn’t seem very interested. Please help me win by rating the video highly.

[youtube 9nIkAw5CorU Please Click Here and Rate Video]

Here are links to two other entries I made, they’re not prank calls so you might not be as interested. But you can rate them high too and that would be awesome.

Whole Lot Better #1
Whole Lot Better #2

Thanks for your help!

February 16, 2009 · linear · Comments Closed
Posted in: General

10-year Anniversary of UPL Ezine – A Decade of Dumb!

Even though the UPL technically started in late 1998, we didn’t release the first issue of our ezine until January 27, 1999. That was 10 years ago this day. That’s an entire decade of dumb, friends. The ezine started as single-article issues, but progressed quickly into multi-topic, multi-author issues and through them we’ve shared a lot of (mostly worthless) information with you. And even through hiatuses, parental punishment, domain hijackings, cybersquatting, and the Bush presidency, we’ve managed to spit out well over 200 articles through our zine.

What I’m saying here is that I’ve wasted 10 years of my life for you stupid assholes, and I won’t get those years back. What have I done with my god damn life? What have I become? What COULD I have been?

But I digress. In honor of our 10-year anniversary, I created an archive of all articles ever published through the UPL ezine. This archive will make it a lot easier to find specific articles without having to search through individual issues tracking everything down. It’s a fully sortable list, so it will be easy to arrange the articles by author, or by issue, etc.

You better appreciate it, assholes, you don’t know what a pain in the ass it is cataloging 10 years worth of 200+ articles.

January 27, 2009 · linear · Comments Closed
Posted in: Ezine, General

The Old PLA/UPL Email Discussion List

While poking around the net looking for old UPL things long forgotten, I stumbled upon an archive of an old email discussion list that was setup so phoneloser types could discuss useless shit all day. This was when the PLA had no message board so to communicate we primarily used the list. The discussion list moved around from service provider to service provider, so this is only a small snapshop of the list while it was housed on At this point, it was a combined list for both the PLA and the UPL. The timeframe archived here was a short window during 2002-2003. Me and rbcp haven’t figured out who it is that’s been hosting this archive, but thank you, whoever you are.

I’ll add this archive to our “Outdated Stuff” page soon. Hopefully someday we can track down some archives of the list from other services, like Yahoo! Groups, ListServ, and the myriad of other shitty sites that hosted us.

January 21, 2009 · linear · Comments Closed
Posted in: General

UPL Site Redisgned

The website got a makeover, and now she’s the prettiest princess at the ball. Along with redesigning every page, most pages received some minor updates and improvements. Other pages got completely overhauled and are up with brand new content. We put up a bunch more MP3′s (and an embedded player to listen to those MP3′s) on our Prank Calls page, and we now have an expanded About Us page. Learn more about us than anyone would possibly care to know! You might also notice that our logo at the top, and the image/caption on the top of the left menu column randomly change with each page refresh. FANCY!

Please ignore the fact that this new design looks a tad similar to some other all-too-well-known site’s design.

January 16, 2009 · linear · Comments Closed
Posted in: Site Maintenance